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BDSM Dictionary |
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All Pro BDSM Dictionary Terms & Definitions
Dominance The practice of taking the dominant role in a scene, running the scene, controlling the bottom's behaviour, perhaps simply as role play or humiliation or perhaps reinforced by the more physical aspects or the actual use of intense or painful physical activities directed at the bottom, and/or by restriction, bondage and physical control. However do remember pain isn't always associated with dominance and may never be used. A person who takes on this sexually dominant role, either habitually or for a specific scene, is known as a dominant or dom.
Bottom or Submission: The complimentary term for the bottom is submission, and someone bottoming to a dominant is called a submissive or sub, but the term subby is sometimes heard. The terms 'dom' and 'sub' to describe individuals have slightly more currency in the heterosexual scene than among gay men and lesbians, where the terms 'top' and 'bottom' are more common. Femdom, meaning a female dominant or a scene with a woman top, and its equivalent maledom, are invariably used to refer to heterosexual interaction. The overarching term for games involving domination is domination and submission (dom-sub, DS, D/S, D/s or D&S).
Dominatrix The Latin feminine of the term 'dominator', one who dominates, could just mean a woman who enjoys taking the dominant role but almost always refers specifically to the professional dominatrix who has sessions or scenes where she dominates mainly male clients. But not always. The work of these women is legal and isn't considered to be prostitution because very often genital sex is not involved. Some dominatrix are renowned for their knowledge and skill at both the psychological and physical aspects of SM techniques and a number have made valuable contributions to the BDSM community.
Switch A person who alternates both roles, either from scene to scene or within a scene, is known as a switch or switch-hitter.
Dungeon Melodramatic term for a playroom, a room specially equipped for BDSM, perhaps of the heavier or more leathery variety. Equipment with special equipment for play. Such as St. Andrew's Cross, Spanking Benches, Torture Stands, Kneeling Benches, Chains, Swings, Stocks / Pillories, Yokes, Suspension Rack, Vault Horse, The Back Rack, The Kneeler Table, Massage Table, Catherine Wheel and many other items..
BD Sometimes B/D, B&D. Bondage and Discipline. Sometimes used interchangeably with SM but more strictly referring to practices involving bondage and role-playing or humiliation but little or no pain. Sometimes thought to stand for Bondage and Domination.
BDSM
Sometimes BD/SM. Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and
Masochism. Catch-all term much used to lump together those perves who play with
physical pain and those who don't, reflecting a concern that the term SM, with
its associations with pain, is not always appropriate.
Bondage
Restriction of a person's bodily movement for erotic reasons using fastenings of
various kinds.
Bottom Submissive or recipient of stimulation in an SM scene.
CBT Causing sensation, discomfort and pain to the male testicles, and penis often including the scrotum as well.
Corporal Punishment Originally, retributive punishment involving the infliction of pain, often though not exclusively through blows administered with some form of flexible object like a whip or cane. In an SM context, normally refers to the activities of caning, whipping and spanking. Usually during some form of role-playing in which the bottom is 'punished', especially recreations of 'real-life'.
Discipline Like many SM terms, used rather loosely, but usually refers to the imposition of rules of behaviour on the bottom in domination scenes and the 'punishments' used to enforce them. A distinction is often made between intense and painful activities that are carried out so the bottom gets direct enjoyment from them and those carried out as a 'punishment' for infraction where in certain kinds of ongoing relationships the bottom does not determine the limits of the activity. A bottom seeking 'discipline' would normally expect their behaviour to be carefully controlled and that there will be regular opportunities for some form of physical punishment, even if mild, for infractions. When used with 'bondage' in bondage and discipline, (BD, B&D), as distinct from SM, there is a definite implication that little or no real pain is involved.
24/7 24 hours a day, 7 days a week master/mistress-slave relationship.
Leg stretcher Restraint designed to force the legs apart.
Limit The point beyond which a player in a BDSM game does not consent to go. Can either indicate a particular activity that someone cannot cope with or finds a turnoff, or a point reached in play at which the stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or satisfying, or becomes impossible to cope with psychologically. Obviously the limits will vary between person to person and situation to situation. Note that although limits are usually thought of in connection with bottoms, they are also applicable to tops
M A potentially confusing abbreviation. In SM it stands for masochism and so may indicate a masochist. But it can also stand for the opposite role in the opposition of master or mistress and slave. When used for masochist it may be written m in lower case; when used for master or mistress it is almost always written in upper case. Thankfully the sense is usually clear from the context.
Masochism, Masochist In BDSM circles, the propensity to enjoy undergoing experiences normally thought of as painful, and one who enjoys such experiences.
Master Female equivalent: mistress. Dominant, controlling partner or top in a relationship based on sexual domination and submission (DS), where the submissive partner is known as the slave. Such relationships are known as master/mistress-slave relationships, abbreviated to M/s, M-s or MS. Both terms were formerly used more generally to cover a variety of different BDSM styles but as the community begins to disentangle DS from the enjoyment of pain, they are gradually becoming specialized to situations where the DS element is particularly essential or marked and/or where it perhaps extends into everyday life, as when the slave carries out domestic tasks for the master/mistress or adopts formalized rules of address and other rules of behavior. There are even cases of 'full-time' or 24/7 (24 hours a day, seven days a week) MS relationships, where the slave has perhaps signed a contract and considers him/herself owned as 'property'.
Mummification A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head if some form of breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly using materials like cling film (saran wrap) and gaffe tape, cloth or latex bandages until the bottom (the mummy) is completely immobilized. Holes are then sometimes made for access to genitals and other areas
Novice The usual term for someone new either to BDSM as a whole or to a particular activity. Very few people come out onto the scene with no experience at all -- most have experimented on themselves or perhaps persuaded vanilla partners to indulge some of their desires -- but nonetheless a good top will take a different approach to a novice bottom than to an experienced one, and for successful negotiation should be honest about their levels of experience.
Power exchange A term used by some people to refer to what happens in a BDSM scene when the bottom agrees to be submissive and/or gives up control to the top.
Pushy Bottom
Common phrase for a bottom
who is over demanding and while purporting to be submissive attempts to control
the scene by manipulation, usually to increase the intensity of what's going on
or to invite other activities rather than to defy or disobey the top. Obviously
the more the dynamic of domination and submission is important to the scene, the
more pushiness on the bottom's part could become a problem.
Most tops are on the side of caution when playing with someone new so there is a
good possibility with partners who do not know each other well that the bottom
will feel frustrated that his or her limit is not being reached. If this is
happening it's usually less irritating and disruptive to either wait for a break
or call one and then explain what is happening explicitly to the top. The
situation can be usually be avoided by patience and honest negotiation.
S A potentially confusing abbreviation. In SM it stands for sadism and so may indicate a sadist. But it can also stand for 'slave' as opposed to master or mistress. When used for slave it may be written s in lower case; when used for sadist it is most likely to be written in upper case. Thankfully the sense is usually clear from the context.
Sadomasochism Today the term 'sadomasochism' usually suggests mutual consensual activity for the purposes of sexual arousal which involves some sort of pain, restraint or domination. However, it covers a wide field with very flexible borders, encompassing all kinds of things that aren't considered normal or conventional sex: indeed, you sometimes think some people use it to cover everything a little unconventional that they personally find a turn-on. Today most people on the BDSM scene who describe themselves as 'sadists' intend to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from inflicting pain, and those who describe themselves as 'masochists' to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from enduring it, within certain limits.
Safe word, Stop word A word or words agreed before a scene begins that a bottom can use to ask the top to ease up or to stop the scene entirely: the non-verbal equivalent, which may be necessary in the event that the bottom is gagged, is a safe signal or stop signal. It is both a safety device and a way of managing consent, insisted on by some players and avoided by others as artificial. When the bottom uses the word, he or she is said to safe out.
Slave Once used more generally for an SM bottom, this is now becoming limited to submissive in a long-term dominant- submissive relationship Submission...The act of or interest in submitting to a someone else's will, within limits, for sexual purposes.
TENS unit Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit, one of a number of machines designed for applying electrical pulses to the body at safe levels.
Top and its compliment bottom are two terms coined in the last two decades to designate the 'agent' and 'patient' roles respectively in an SM scene while avoiding the loadedness of the existing terms like master-slave; they can be used just in relation to the scene itself and don't imply anything about the participants' regular practice, though they are also used to describe people who typically take one role or the other.
Torture In SM, usually used to indicate the use of techniques that produce sustained sensations of continuously variable intensity, some of which may be painful, usually focused on some identifiable body part. May also refer to pleasurable sexual stimulation alternating with deliberate frustration.
Total Power Exchange Term occasionally used to describe a full-time (24/7) dom-sub or master/mistress-slave relationship.
Toy Generally, any item of equipment used in an SM scene; sometimes used more specifically for toys designed to be inserted into bodily orifices such as butt plugs and dildos.
Vanilla Term used by SM'ers, fetishists and so on to mean 'normal' sex without SM or fetish activities.
Violet wand A device used in electrical play to discharge radio energy as spectacular sparks onto a bottom: the sensation is similar to the static charges sometimes encountered when walking in certain shoes on certain artificial fibers, but can be varied in intensity.